Conservatives vs. Liberals

Ready to get offended or upset at nothing? Politics and our association with them and their values are sure to cause a few fist fights or at least a few exchanges or sharp words. Are you a tree hugging, earth loving, organic food eating, local economy supporting liberal, or a fascist, globalization supporting, racist and sexist conservative? Maybe we are all a little of each. Especially these days.

Liberals:

1. Are tree-hugging wimps. Are you a soft spoken pony-tailed acoustic guitar playing Birkenstock lover? Liberals tend to have a mind set of an idealist. The world should be fair and we should be fair to everyone and everything. Don't use up the natural resources, go buy a Prius and buy hemp and bamboo clothing to minimize our carbon footprint and resource usage. Is it that bad? As long as your not eating vegan food, it should be okay. Its when you put a raw food taco into your mouth followed by a shot of wheatgrass with gojiberries that you have to worry. Are liberals more tender and compassionate? Yes, in general. They think about the future and plan long term. That is why they think that way. Short term thinking creates massive destruction, wars and decimates global economies? Sound familiar?
2. Again, they eat weird stuff. Why don't they like red meat? What the heck is that toe kung fu stuff they eat? Tofu…Seitan…Tempeh? Is this a foreign language? Skip the single bland potato, skip the meat-head steak, skip the bland Ohio and Midwest food and go for the strange, the exotic, the adventurous, straight to diarrhea. Yep, you heard it first…literally. That nasty brown Hershy squirt straight into your white undies. But, then again, you live 10-20 years longer than those who have cow fat hardened arteries, antibiotics and hormone residues stuck in their bodies at toxic levels. Who has the last laugh now?

Conservatives:

1. Are boring and wear funny clothes. No going to protests, rallies, signing petitions to protect the environment and challenge our government. It's all about protecting your money and your gun collection from those damn liberals who might pop up in the middle of the night and give you a group hug and a cup of hot cocoa. Watch out! They might make you into a decent human or make you want to reminisce with your neighbor about your childhood. It's just not fun if your not being harassed by the police for driving your Prius to a PETA meeting or for planting trees on the weekends in the local parks. Wearing a suit and tie to work, to dates, to bed… why no fun? But that pink polo with the collar up is golden. Especially, with those boating shoes when there is no yacht around and the woven leather belt that helps to tuck your shirt into your shorts. It may be the look of wealth and conservatism at leisure, but it sure looks silly as can be. At least the fashion police aren't around. The fashion meets the life. The life is serious and so is the future, in a short term sort of way. But, at least the Scotch is good as can be.
2. Like to hide things: I am not talking about hiding the salami, or your Scotch collection from your kids. Conservatives tend to have a disconnect from the rest of society. Their focus is on finances and information that supports that and their lifestyle. If our country goes to war based on government corruption at the highest level as well as to merely benefit their financial wealth and major corporations' wealth, as long as your stocks do well, then what the hell? Right? Invest in bomb companies and war companies and mercenary companies. Don't know these? PG&E, Lockhead Martin, Bowing, Raytheon, Blackwater, etc… Ah yes. The more information that is hidden from the masses, the less they will know about the corruption that is occurring which is incidentally making you rich. And that makes you feel less guilty. Information is power my friends. And power is a large Scotch collection including Macallan 30 and a place to hide the salami.

This could go on and on. Maybe I will expand it later. Is this a tug-o-war or a yin-yang existence? Do we need one with the other or is it all just a basket full of of poop-flinging loopy screeching monkeys?