Carnivores vs. Vegetarians

Does that rack of lamb beckon you? Can you resist that kobe beef burger with smoked bacon? What about that seared ahi salad with a side of ale steamed mussels? How hard would these be to give up? I know I can't do it. It takes a dedication and partial disgust to live a lifestyle away from our muscle-mass (that's meat for you carnivores out there) addicted society (and World for that matter). Why do Carnivores get upset when they hear someone is a vegetarian? Strange. Did you ever meet an over enthusiastic vegetarian? Well, lets explore this.

Carnivores

1. Are Meatheads? What a silly question. Of course, you are what you eat. So the answer is YES! Me caveman…eat meat…uhhhh. Wait, maybe that's what all those meatheads from the Midwest say…I am not sure. I may be confused. Sometimes, you have to wonder if all the meat they eat replaces their brain. Meat in, brain out. Maybe that is why the bathroom stinks so much after eating all those ribs, fish tacos, hanger steaks, bison burgers and lamb eyes…just kidding on that one. Does meat and football go hand in hand? Does America and meat go hand in hand? Maybe it just one big happy flag waving football carrying sausagefest? Anyone have the lube, I mean the ketchup?
2. Subconsciously Feel Guilty. So why so angry when a vegetarian is in the group? Why so upset when someone mentions vegetarian food? Hostility galore I say! This is very strange behavior indeed. Would Sigmund Freud have a field day with this one? Indeed. Maybe it's tofu envy. Remember all that talk about train tunnels and trains? What about meat and mouth? Seriously now, it makes sense that heavy meat eaters would take offense at the lack of meat in a meal. They know they should not be eating all that meat and when someone else is able to actually resist meat, it makes the meat eater feel guilty. Thereby, turning the guilt into hostility towards the one they really admire. Thank God for those college level psychology courses! So next time you take a bite into a juicy burger of sin, say thank you to your vegehead friend. Then proceed to eat the burger and make stinky poop.

Vegetarians

1. Are Stinky, Health Freak Hippies. Pass the patchouli and sage man. Want to join a hug circle? Then go to your local coop (or Whole Foods for rich hippies) to find your neighborhood hippies and discover odd vegetarian and even spooky vegan food delights. The stuff looks rather weird. Stinky, everyone is stinky. Usually, the more dairy and meat one eats, the stinkier they are. It's just the way it is. But those organic $8 deodorants smell all herbally and funky, like a incense addicted Hari Chistna with a bowl of potpourri. Health Freaks? Usually…well sort of. If you don't count the fact that most vegetarians have a wicked sweet tooth that would put children at Halloween to shame, then yes. Just ask any random kid on the street. Bets are that they were robbed by a squirrely vegetarian needing a sugar fix last Halloween. So, vegies can be just as fat as your obese carnivore, but may stink less like BO. Unless they don't use deodorant at all.
2. Want to Save the World With Hugs. Following that hug circle, what if we all held hands, smiled at each other, wore hemp shoes, used public transportation, bought local and organic, and played acoustic fair-traded guitars during campfires? What would the world become if we hugged everything instead of bombing everything? What happens when everyone holding hands and hugging has to go to the bathroom at the same time after eating too much vegan raw food? There is only so much time you can hold that hot lava in your south facing cavern before it explodes like Mt. Saint Helens. Image the looks on everyone's faces and the toxic sludge that would be created in the aftermath. There again, is that smell issue. 

Meat is tempting, but causes everything from global warming (from all the methane gas expelled by all those cows–causes more global warming than cars) to heart attacks to constipation. Vegies will give you the runs, never fill you up and make you look uber healthy to your macho friends. What side do you take?