Cultural Activities vs. Sports

Is it a day at the museum to see that new intriguing art show everyone is talking about, or a day at the stadium watching a rambunctious and rowdy game? Is there such a huge difference between the two? Are you thrown into a violent convulsing fit that makes you spew vomit across the room if asked to attend one over another? Is it that bad? Apparently so. 

Cultural Activities:

1. Are for Wussies. The opera, art exhibits, food fairs, wine tasting, even concerts? Well…maybe not that far? Who wants to develop their brain anyways? It's far better to let that heap of Jello in your skull rot and ooze out onto the floor beneath your new Nike shoes. That is what the rugged tread and Nike Air are for anyways. How can anyone tolerate going to an event that relies on the use of our human brain to interpret stimulus into usable knowledge and reflect upon our culture's current obsessions? Say what? What? Yep. That's right. Use that brain baby. It's so good.
2. Are not Sports. While the work might be visually interesting, why doesn't art and other cultural activities have more violence and full-contact camaraderie? Full-contact ballet? Playing dodge ball in a museum? Ultimate frisbee opera? Come on! Make it interesting for our low American attention spans and ever-declining I.Qs. I mean, we can always bring in the hand held Playstation or cell phone games, but that's not enough. Why can't we get a football team to come into the concert hall and perform the opera or the ballet, with a few passes here and there? Maybe a tackle or two and a few broken snapping ribs timed just right to the meter of the accapella? Snap, crackle, pop…isn't that a cereal? Rice Crispies or broken bones?

Sports:

1. Are for Meatheads. Have you ever seen meat on someone's head before? I don't see any steaks up there. As a matter of fact, I don't see anything up there. Maybe just a wiff of hot air and ill-placed beer bravad in that meatless cranial cavern. Don't get me wrong, sports can be great, but when taken to a level of addiction where your life revolves around all sports all the time, then Houston, we have a problem. Read what is happening to our country and our economy? Read about what our corrupt politicians are doing? Participate in petitions and protests against our Bill of Rights crushing fascist government? Help make our communities and schools better? Naw, I'd rather watch a good old football game. It makes you wonder doesn't it? Distract the masses with sports and they will be happy and follow your lead. Wait, wasn't that created by the Roman Empire to control it's masses? You got it. Now we use it.
2. Are Exhausting. It's hard work sitting on your couch, eating a hoagie and slurping down a 64oz soda. That takes some serious training and effort. Take it up a step and you need a weekend to recover. Go to the stadium and watch a game live, eating heart-attack fatty hotdogs and low-grade beer, peeing with the masses in the massive bathroom dungeons and get an extreme workout. Make sure to bring your sweats, a headband and your vitamin water. 

Are there any boundaries between these two that cross? We everyone be totally happy with either? Most likely not. Next time, try bringing a bowling ball to an art show or a can of spray paint to a golf game. That could pose for some serious fun…