Hybrids vs. SUVs

What do you drive? Do you enjoy your car? Like so many of us, a vehicle is an expression of who we are, even if it is not intended to be so. We follow our beliefs and purchase based on those beliefs. Whether we want a midlife crisis Porsche, an ego trip Hum-V, or a make-the-world-a-better-place Prius, we all have something to say. What is predominate lately is the battle of the hybrids vs gas guzzling SUVs, black with tinted window of course. Which side are you on? Or are you still on the sidelines?

SUV

1. Big and Bad. You have to stay protected when you rip around the corner with your extra tall triple mocha in one hand and the wheel and cell phone in the other. Someone might jump out at you trying to kung fu you when you're not looking. And as you drive over the corner of the curb and barley miss a few pedestrians waiting for the bus after a hard day of shopping, you run through the crosswalk a few feet in front of an old lady with a walker and two skateboarders. Whewww. That was a close one. They almost scratched your perfectly glistening solid black SUV that is bigger than your neighbors, and washed more often then their year old child. Take up two parking spots in the lot, never signal when you cross the lane, and run the red because you have self-entitlement issues and by-the-way, your SUV is bigger than theirs. But doesn't it feel good to have an eagle's view of the city roads? Rolling over bumps and potholes like they are nothing. Other cars fall into them and never return. It's nice to be prepared in case you have to go off-roading in an emergency chasing down a terrorist or being chased by the local police. If only there was a camo option...with little shiny skulls. This thing holds a lot of cargo. Do you know how many shopping bags can fit in the average SUV? I have no idea, but it would be quite a feat to fill that vast cavern up with goodies. Forget the bikes, camping gear and emergency kit, let's fill it up with a day of shopping. Shopping Utility Vehicle right?
2. Hard on the Wallet. Gas at $4 a gallon. That hurts when you drive a tank on wheels. $100 fill ups? Ugh. Time to learn how to syphon the gas out of your neighbors SUV. Bust out the hose and a large screwdriver to pop the cap open at midnight. Can you install rechargeable batteries in the cargo space in this thing? Time to take all the batteries out of your kids favorite toys, yes–Tickle Me Elmo too, and wire those bad boys up to your new Radioshack electric engine(not that there is one yet). Unlike most of the new SUV Hybrids that obtain terrible gas mileage because the hybrid system is used for extra horsepower vs. up -front driving power, there needs to be one that is obviously conscious about being fuel efficient. 200hp is plenty. What? You want the 500hp so you can beat your neighbor to the the local Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for your triple-frappa-moca-crappa-chino-with-a-splash-of-decaf-and-nonfat-milk? Don't forget to sprinkle it with some cinnamon and chocolate powder. I think gas prices finally match the price of those things now. What if your SUV could run off the Bean's coffee? Double bonus!
3. OMG!, Did You Say Global Warming or Something? In the face of hard facts that global warming (climate change for those who water it down) is accelerating and making the ice-caps and Antarctic fall apart at record rates (good time to start an Italian shaved ice shop--think of all the free ice available, bad time to be an Eskimo or polar bear) people are still buying the biggest and baddest SUV they can find. It's not like 8MPG vehicles are accelerating global warming or anything. Why would millions of SUVs burning through 20 gallons of gas a week do that? Soon, I foresee SUVs being pulled by multiple oxen or Clydesdale horses. Or better yet, the SUV owners' kids? Whoever said the future never effects our children? The ostrich hides it head when it feels threatened(at least in mythology), so the SUV driver continues to drive when the world is falling apart partially due to their driving habits. Sand in your ear? Shake it out. Other options are available. Pogo-sticks anyone?

Hybrids:

1. Expensive? People say hybrids are expensive. But then they go out and buy a Mercedes or Lexus SUV. Huh? Danger......does......not......compute......So, to make this straight, because a hybrid costs $21K, I will go out and spend $15K more to get a gas guzzler. Okay. 2+2=5. Class dismissed. The payoff is fairly immediate for FUEL-EFFICIENT hybrids. Horsepower hybrids won't save you any gas, although the car industry likes to market these ones for maximum profits. Fuel-efficient hybrids can save you $50-$100 a week. That adds up fast. Who cares if you are conservative or liberal, this just makes sense. Save that money and use it for your kid's college fund, your wine bar fund or your dating fund.
2. Damn Liberals. Okay, this is something that does not make any sense. An international corporation has created a product to sell in a capitalist society. Demand meets need. Simple business, simple profits. Where are the tree-huggers here? Yet, ever since fuel-efficient hybrids came out, the US media (which is owned by some of the largest corporations in the world and just happen to be ultra-conservative in their politics) has relentlessly slandered them. Think of all the news stories slamming the Prius and the Honda Civic hybrid. Strange huh? Can you say "agenda" boys and girls. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, these same huge conglomerate corporations also have ties to profit making in war and oil services. After all, this is a capitalist society and where is the profit in saving the earth vs. pillaging it?–a possible new topic for the blog? ;) Do your homework kids. Unfortunately, this is business as usual.
3. Feel All Warm and Fuzzy. –Unless you are Italian or Sicilian, then you already are warm and hairy now. Well, if we are stuck with frat-boy, gas-binge-drinking cars, at least we can make a choice to buy something that will save us some coin and help save our planet from complete and utter implosion. You get to drive around feeling all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that you are making a conscious effort to make this world a better place for everyone. On that note, a pair or walking shoes, a bike, pogo-stick, or even the dreaded public transportation system, with the scary guy in the back with one hand on a bottle and the other in his pocket (he just left the wine bar –see wine post), is the best thing you can use to move your butts around your town. Even buses are going green with not-perfect, but better alternative fuels.

So gas up with your extra large black bean burrito, strap on your vegan walking shoes and hit the pavement to save the world and a few bucks.