Los Angeles vs. San Francisco

Oh, so may drinks have been consumed and spilled over this one over the years by countless people. This is the epic battle on the West Coast. Nor Cal or So Cal? Let the fist-fights begin. Kickboxing anyone? Tempers flare up, faces turn red and curse words ooze out that will make your ears cry and wither up only to run away into a small dark secluded cave. 

There are die-hard LA fans and die-hard SF fans, but everyone seems to have an opinion on this, even if they have not been to one or even either. Both places have their own personality for better or for worse. This will be hard to keep short. Maybe there will be a Part II.

LA

1. Has great weather. Sunny, bright, really bright (need black sunglasses to ward off the nuclear explosion intensity of light). Lots of beach and ocean (it just goes and goes, probably the world's largest cat litter box--maybe for the homeless too? What's that you've stepped in? Squishy you say?). In LA people really wear flip flops and shorts while hauling their Christmas trees from the lot to their black, forty foot, 8MPG SUV..that's weather.
   
2. Has terrible smog to go with the great weather, usually making what would be the most beautiful weather in the nation a brown hazy, building and mountain-view erradicating, black-lung producing heath nightmare. Want some fries (IN-N-OUT burgers are preferred in LA, not MCDs'--that's another post) with that chunky brown air? Serve it up with some respirators. It kind of makes all the hyper-active exercise freaks' activities in LA seems futile. Be fit and get asthma at the same time...want to run the LA Marathon?
   
3. Lots of ethnicity. This is a strong point, incase you are thinking otherwise. Mixed cultures are a great place to be exposed to different world views, point of interest, and learning tolerance and acceptance which strengthens the fabric of our society. Besides that, this brings great take-out menus to each household. No more white-bred, bland taste bud, Ohio natives here anymore. Learn to love diversity and celebrate it.
   
4. Bad traffic. This might be the worse place to commute in the US. Did you ever see LA Story starring Steve Martin? Go see it. It's true. If you thought your city was bad, just wait until 3:00pm here, yeah that when the traffic has already stalled here. Not even 5:00pm yet. Not only do you get to sit in traffic and read those lame "10 minutes to downtown" signs (you always have to triple the time to make it accurate), but you can take in the nice weather and breath the fresh smog. Ahhhh. I can almost smell it now. But people do have nice cars in LA. Everyone wants that black SUV (washed everyday of course) or that black Mercedes with black tinted windows and black license plates–because everyone want to secretly be an undertaker in LA.

SF

1. COLD! Did you forget to bring your arctic coat with you to SF? What no fur here? PETA? Candlestick, I mean 3M park, I mean.....rename it however many times you want. It's still Candlestick and will always be Candlestick and those who froze their behinds off watching the Giants there know that. It's summer and 50 degrees today? WTF? At least the water is clean, wait that damn tanker spilled oil all over the pristine bay. At least there is the air. Except when Muni drives by and then you have Vietnam style flashbacks to LA air. Oxygen therapy anyone? Wait, that's LA. But if you hate LA heat, then SF cold is a godsend. No more sweating and you can wear your $500 designer cashmere sweaters for once in your life. In LA they all have moth holes and can be worn only a few times a year, between the months of Jan-March. Yes, December is too hot here. That's what the flip-flops and shorts are for when you pick up that sweltering X-mas tree.
2. Food. Very good food. Very Very good food. Anyone who says LA has better food has never been to SF. The food there is of the utmost highest food snob quality. So, stick your noses up in the air and be proud to chow on SF grub. Organic, local-based, rich cutting-edge flavors, winery inspired fare. No bland food there. You need to go to LA to find that overpriced, old rich white person nasty food. I still don't get why the food in LA is so bad. Is it because everyone in LA is from the MidWest where all food is bland and simple? And all the native Californians move to SF? Not sure, but might be.
3.  It's a REAL city. If you like that sort of thing. Lots of people like suburbs. LA is one huge suburb. It's not a real city environment. SF is. That can be exciting to many people. Go see a play, explore an art exhibit, window shop at authentic and locally owned artesian shops, listen to a symphony, eat at a world-class restaurant or a great ethnic (SF has ethnicity too) dive, take a ride on BART (get mugged and stand in homeless or rich art student pee) and end it with a nightcap at a local bar with a nice local hooker..I mean a special lady friend (check under that dress before you undress).
4. Better educated people. Huh? What's that? Yes. I am sorry to say that LA has a measly 17% College graduate population. That's less than 20% of the entire LA population. Staggering. SF and the Bay Area have a 40-50% rate of college graduates that reside there. This is why the politics and opinions of SF tend to be more progressive and forward thinking than LA. But, if you like dumb beautiful people, LA is your ticket. How many SF people fly to LA to date? Hummm? Anyone? Probably half the flight that you were just on. Wait, you were on that flight too?

So, to each his/her own. But some things are more lame than others. Up next...booze!